Sweet Sixteen

I watch you sprawled on your bed almost covering the length of it... Long eye lashes resting on your unshaven face ... And remember wondering ... Will he ever have eyelashes. My little miracle baby turns sixteen . My heart does a little tumble every time i think about it. Did I think my baby would never grow up? I don't know! I'm just not prepared for  the inevitability of our time together  growing shorter by the day
It seems like yesterday that I went into labour with you at 30 weeks.... I was not prepared at all and like your pediatrician mentioned , I was a preterm  mother as well. 
At 24, I hadn't even heard of preterm babies, let alone know to take care of one. I had never carried a baby , before you came along. We sort of grew up together .. Me the first timer , learning, as I held in my untrained hands a very skinny teeny tiny baby, that the worst thing about having babies ,was not having to clean their dirty bums, as she naively thought , but learning to handle the surge of raw emotions that would tear through  her  heart : love, joy, worry, anger, frustration, terror ,pain.
Feelings  not just mine but yours as well. Feeling all these emotions ,  tug at  my heart, my flesh and bones when you went through them too.
I can never forget the time , you were  but a few days old and the nurses injected medicine after medicine through those invisible veins in your hands. That was very first time i understood what it really was to feel someone's pain so intensely as your own .
The helplessness at watching you suffer and not being able to do anything except standby and watch you go through the pain cannot be put into words.
Never once did  it strike your mother , that for a girl who once took pride in the fact that she never cried easily she would be ready to cry at the drop of a hat with matters concerning you ,baffling people around her.

With you,Your mother will always be a fumbling stumbling bumbling first timer , worrying and wondering if she was doing a good job at being a good parent.
I was lucky,You were an easy ,bright , friendly and warm  baby.  Always laughing and happy, accommodating cheerfully  to all the situations we were placed in.
You never went through terrible two, and the temper tantrums. I just couldn't match up with your energy. Your eagerness to learn had me enthralled.you knew the name of every car at that time !!
 You were everyone's delight and little pet being the first grandson and all.
You were a wonderful little boy.My only child for six years .and those were precious years.
Always looking out for me ,  specially when I was pregnant with your brother. I'd come waddling along with you to the playground,and you' d place your little arm protectively at a distance from my bulging belly, should some one come and bump into itaccidently
Only when the teen years came ,we were hit by a ton of bricks!
People  sat on the sidelines chewing their nails watching us fight tooth and nail over some boundary you wanted to cross and I didn't  want to let go ,hoping we don't kill each other in the process.
Being so scarily alike in our temperaments ,we've fallen into that volatile mother first child relationship with showdowns galore.People have tried to use that to their advantage  to cause a rift between us ... Evil as that sounds... It is true ....what they donot see ,is the just you and me moments we share ,where you come running to me with your deepest hopes and fears and wishes and disappointments and everyday battles you have to fight on your own.
People have wanted to adopt you, thinking they were offering you a respite from me . Ha! I  was hopping mad  at that time, but now I see that they were blind and absurd if I might add . It was you who made me see that. It was you who pointed out , that I was also new at being a mother and all the trepidation and nervousness   I feel ,as you move on to the next phase of your life  on your own, without me holding your hand ,was understandable .
I was so humbled by your magnanimity and maturity . I never looked at it in that perspective until that very moment.No one did .Everyone was making quick list of my failings and going tch tch tch.
I've learned so much from your generous and caring nature.and because of you I want to be a better person.
I  can never understand this intense bond I share with you and even though I love your little brother just as much and as equally as I love you... The nervousness and the impatience I feel with you is not there with him .
You are a loyal friend, sometimes to a fault  and very good big brother. You look out for your little brother all the time.
When on rare occasions I lie down with a migraine , you help him with his studies, give him dinner and see that I'm not disturbed in any way ,keeping the house very quiet .
And while travelling with you , even when you were little, you always took care of our things
Now that you are a teen, I feel like royalty with you never letting me carry the bags 
and do the hard work!
Although you struggled with change , your ability to survive amazes me. You have done so well given our circumstances and I keep thanking God for giving you this ability to bounce back. You are a survivor . Always have been.
Here are a few things I'd like you to remember always

Put God first and your trust in him
Read the bible , it has been my guiding light and I hope it will be yours too
Work hard but not too much to neglect your family 
Don't sweat the small stuff 
Don't lose that sense of humour and your ability to make funny rhyming songs to make your brother laugh when he's angry.
All rules are not meant to be broken... They are there to help you keep you on the straight and narrow
Please don't get lost in technology .it can never replace real people   And real one on one conversations
Read a lot of books like you do now 
Don't forget to pursue your interests but pursue a good Education . It is one thing that can never be taken away from you
Travel every chance you get... Look at the world around :there are so many life's lessons to be learnt there
Never lose that generous helpful nature of yours
But please be also careful not to let people take you for a ride with false promises for their benefit 
Don't smoke 
Don't drink 
Don't do drugs 
Wait for the right girl to come along 
Love with all your heart like you always do
And try not to break too many hearts. And I hope yours doesn't get broken too.too many times.
Learn to count your blessings and always be grateful for what you have 
We have had some hard times, you forgive easily but don't forget the lessons you learnt from these situations.
And Finally stand tall , stretch out those wings, flap them hard and soar high up above the clouds like an Eagle
Your dada and I will always love you no matter what and you can always always trust us to answer when you call.
Love you darling .Happy Sixteen.



Comments

  1. God !! prearlin...these are soo straifght from heart words..words which each mom wud want to say to her kids. Mnay things u wrote about having the first kid..God ! jsut cud realte soo much to it. Think i will just very much borrow ur words for my kids birthdays as well ;)..ofcourse, with ur permission. Keep in touch

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  2. Beautiful words! Happy birthday to your sweet sixteen boy!

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  3. That was so sweet Pearlin...May God bless him

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  4. Beautiful post Pearlin - Many happy returns for your boy x

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  5. What a touching post written with a love that compares to none other, the love of a mother for her child! Happy 16th Big B!!

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