On the wrong Island


December is when it all began. When our lives took a new turn and never be the same. I'm kind of overwhelmed with emotion over so many things , its hard to write a post.
The other day when talking to a friend, our previous life in Auckland crept into conversation.
J and I have some deep scars from living there that I have blocked out a lot from memory .whenever I try to remember the names of the places we knew there, only the Christchurch names come to mind.
It got me thinking about a lot of things... Some things never made sense to me then.
When we lived in Kuwait, every time I go for vacation to India and come back ,as the plane descended I'd feel this strange nervous flutter in my chest. Every .Single . Time . 
I would feel like I was stepping into the unknown ,regardless of the fact that I was familiar with almost every aspect of Kuwait.
Then we moved to New Zealand for the first time ever and I was expecting the same flutter to surface. Instead, a sense of calm and peace came over me.
 It was a strange place that didn't seem strange at all.

As we were settling in , trying to find our feet , in the land of the long white cloud,out of the blue one day, I got this overpowering feeling that  I couldn't live the rest  of my life in Auckland . 
J was unable to understand . He had a job , a nice house , children had settled well in school . There was family.Everything was just as I wanted ,What more could I want ,he wondered.Where else would you want to go ,he asked me exasperated. I didn't have an answer. I only knew Auckland was not the place we would call home for the rest of our lives.
Then like a house of cards, things started falling apart one after the other.The beach was our refuge, J and I would just sit there in silence and stare far into the horizon , the seagulls calling out in the background as the waves gently danced to the tune of their own music near our feet. 
Sometimes we'd  look at each other and wonder 'didn't we feel God's Hand in this entire move. What went wrong?' 


Every single door we knocked , remained closed;It seemed like we were locked up against a giant brass door listening to the echoes of our own voices ,with no answers .

There was an old retired pastor in church who said " you have to go to South Island. That's where you will find job for you "
When I voiced this, voices louder and stronger silenced mine down.
So we left Auckland bent and almost broken .
If not for my family and friends standing around me like pillars of strength, I may never have recovered from the blow.

We didnot plan to come back to New Zealand . We were planning to go back to Kuwait. The boys and I were with J on visit. It was almost time for us to leave Kuwait.

On New Year's Eve in Kuwait , we prayed at the stroke of twelve as is our custom. We started praying with despair at having to be apart but something miraculous happened at that time. By the time we finished praying we were filled with hope . We had a direction now.
When we moved to Christchurch, everything sort of fell into place. We have been surrounded by warmth and friendliness at Church, school , J's job. 
Suddenly It felt like home. 
 I love Christchurch and its surrounding places . Its so full of  history.  and old world charm.
The vast open spaces ,  beautiful landscapes and gardens ,  friendly,warm hearted, not to mention very stylish, classy people. 
Plus a  thriving art and craft , handmade culture .

The loneliness we felt in Auckland seems so distant now that even if I try ,I'm unable to recall memories through the haze that seems to have engulfed  my brain regarding the place.
Finally it makes sense to me.... Why it didn't work the first time and now it did.
New Zealand is where we are meant to be ...but we got the Islands wrong ....a la Columbus ... We landed on the North Island when we were supposed to be on the South!




Comments

  1. Pearlin, glad you guys found the right place. Home is where your heart is..and, if your heart doesn't feel right, you aren't there yet. Hope all the tough times are behind you and you guys enjoy the strength you gathered during those lean days.

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    1. Yes Josie, home is where the heart is and also home is where all four of us are together. I do realise it may change in the future. :))
      Thanks so much girl.

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  2. So good story, Pearlin, and you always have the right words to relate it. You and your family now in a wonderful place where you feel you belong. I look forward to see more of your adventures there! :)

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  3. When Dis appointments become His appointments.. Everything changes.. It is true when we realise...!.story starts with D and ends with H. Good narrative.Sudhakar Morris

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  4. So glad to know everything is working out. Every time I return and come through the Kuwait airport, I ask myself why am I still doing this after 21 years? Egads it's been a long time and I'm still waiting for truly positive change to happen, not just buildings going up with no place to park. Christchurch sounds amazing! An Indian friend who was raised in Kuwait lived in New Zealand for years and considers it home, though a couple of years ago she and her husband returned to India to take care of both their moms who have failing health. Not easy for her to be back there but she is doing what she needs to do at this point in time. Compromise and change is certainly something we have to deal with in life. Take care, Tammy

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    1. oh Tammy, I see I'm wasn't alone in this feeling .Christchurch is really lovely.I remember you told me about this friend. its not easy to leave family alone in faraway places.yes and she chose what she had to do. Best wishes to her and you.Thank you for stopping by Tammy.

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